OK, so. Racheael is like 'Check out these sweet bagels I made!' And I said, check out these sweet bagels -I- made. And then I thought, damn, Dragon, you make hella good foodstuffs! You should write a blog, and it'll be just like Rachael's but worse, and definitely less impressive. And so I said OK, D, that's a great idea! Today, we are going to learn how to make an awesome curry. At least I assume it's going to be awesome; I haven't tried it yet. The process to making an awesome curry is heavily involved, and you should only approach it if you're ready, willing, and especially pliant. Step one: Dice and slice - no, I'm just kidding. Step one, pour your ass a glass of wine. Sip. Enjoy. But not really, because it's shitty Safeway wine and so now you just feel bad about yourself. Step two: Avoid your roommates until they're gone to go perform their shitty musical so the kitchen will be free. Step three: peruse youtube for awhile. boring boring boring, snicker, boring. Step four: check to see if your roomates are still around. Shit. Yes. See step three. Stumbleupon is now an acceptable alternative. Step something: Dont spill your wine and have to wipe it up with the weird hoodie you bought from a hobo. No goods all around. Step five: (really, you can do this whenever, but its going to have to happen some time, so you may as well get it over with.) Take a potato - size really depends on how much you like potatoes, to be honest. Then grab a cheese grater and grate the potato. Woah. I just blew your mind. You grated something with a device that has the word 'grater' as an integral part of its being? ... Step six: Make some rice. If you don't know how to make race, then too fucking bad. I'm sorry, that was rude. Rice is a two-to-one mixture. Put a handful of water - make sure you are very exact with this part - and then throw in some rice, if you want. Simmer said rice (OK, fuck, if you -REALLY- do no know how to make rice, get a 2:1 (water:rice) water ratio simmering, add the rice, cook for 20-30 minutes, or until you think the random bland additive is sufficient for your pallet. Step Seven: Chop up any veggies that you want in your curry. If you do not know how to chop veggies, sigh. Look, I took a sharp object and inserted it into a root vegetable, and now I have a chopped vegetable! I recommend carrots, broccoli / cauliflower, garlic, onions, kale, arugula, locally grown-space grass, inverted Step Eight: Open that can of coconut milk I may or may not have told you to purchase. Step Nine: Using oil, or spray if you're a calorie-counting fuck like me, start sautéing your onions, on a med-low heat. Step ten: OK, now we're multi-tasking. You are going to sauté your veggies for a while. Call it eight minutes. Then you're going to add some coconut milk on top, say half a can, maybe more, if you want. Add some hot sauce if you're not a pussy. Step eleven: Now we're getting complicated. You're watching your sautéing veggies, being like, 'Oh, fuck, veggies, don't burn!' And then you have to remember that you have rice on. And now we're going to get even nastier. Step twelve: Alright. You have your veggies simmering, you have rice on the way, now we're gonna get dirty. Potatoes. Get a frying pan. You should have already read my mind and had oil heating. Then We're gonna throw the potatoes in, spreading them about 1/4 thin, if you can. Toss on some salt and pepper if you want. COVER - importante. Step Thirteen: Shake it off, have a glass of wine.  Step Fourteen: After 5ish minutes, flip the potatoes. Cook for another 3-5 minutes, depending if you like blackened starch or not. Step fifteen: (Yeah, I know, it's getting complicated. Fuck, sometimes life is hard.). Take your now cooked rice. Scoop a handfull onto the cente of a plate. Grab a ladle. Use said ladle to scoop up your now sauteed, warm, delicicious curry around your rice. I probably should have told you earlier to use curry powder when making your curry. I hope you read ahead. Step sixteen: Now we're fancy pants. Rather than cook the potatoes in the curry, per the usual, we made some sweet hashbrowns. Now you take a quarter of you 'browns, but 'em on top of your rice, and maybe find a fancy ass topping. Avocado always looks good. And diced tomatoes. And gold flakes.  Step Seventeen: Say 'Boom, check out this kick-ass curry'! Step Eighteen. Get laid.